In this study there are quite a number of hypothesis that are to be tested, for instance whether there is an economic angle, tradition or convention to the problem at hand. Quantitative methods have to e taken into consideration considering the fact that this is very intricate social problem. The kinds of research designs that will be used include survey, interviews, observation and secondary data analysis. The sample for this research will include population of people who are below 40 years of age and unmarried. Majority of them will be men as opposed to women because more men than women have better reasons to why they fear a lady moving in or simply getting married. The likely limitations of this sample would be that most of the views will e from people who are not professionals on matters marriage.
Most men are never psychologically prepared to welcome a woman to live with them for longer periods or even permanently. It’s believed that most men suffer from commitment phobia, and that’s why an attempt by a lady to unexpectedly and casually move into a man’s house is always met with a lot of resistance. This resistance is in most cases subtle and subliminal for whatever case or arrangement be it ‘come we stay/try/test [whatever name it’s called nowadays] or even marriage. Most men are always reluctant when it comes to legitimizing marriage and that is why most of then consider ‘weddings’ as women’s affairs in which men are just nagged to participate.
Women have devised some ingenious ways and strategies of coaxing men into submission and consequently formalizing those casual arrangements like ‘come we stay’ into legal marriages .A good number of ladies will start by moving in or leaving behind some of their personal belongings in the bedroom or washroom ranging from beauty products, shoes, clothes you know, pants etc.-in a bid to ‘mark territories’. The whole concept of moving in either in the name of marriage or just come we stay disorients and interferes with many men’s privacy (so they say).
There has been an increase in the number of young men who shy away from committing or basically allowing their female partners to move in –consequently marrying them. In this study we attempt to look at why exactly most young men fear a lady –their girlfriends, to be precise, from moving in with them.
Most bachelors adore their privacy because there are so many weird private habits they have picked over time which they find very hard to drop for instance watching blue movies and masturbation. A lady moving in will definitely interfere with the frequency of these activities-and masturbation should not be assumed to be a preserve of single men but married men too practice it. Most men like watching blue movies, Abdul 25, confesses to being a big fun of these movies and he alleges that these movies are used as a manual or tool that virtually all men who are always considered good in bed use for research and gouging their prowess and he goes on to claim that a lady moving in to stay with him will make it difficult for him to access that.
Oscar 29, and not married, claims that there are programs that /TV shows whose content target female audience but most men still find them relevant and they like watching them in secret for instance soap operas ,Tyra banks show etc. He believes that sharing the same roof with a woman makes it difficult for most of this type of men to passionately follow these programs for fear of being deemed ‘weak’ and not masculine enough.
Most bachelors enjoy having more than one place to do their shenanigans .Men easily get bored and having different locations helps them in killing boredom and also spices up things -variety is the spice of life, and this partly explains why men like going for sleepovers. Shem ,a self-proclaimed freak to the core and a player to boot, argues that for a man who has more than one partner committing to one and allowing her to move in is like swallowing a suicide pill because that paralyses his operations.
According to most men particularly those who are unmarried, the moment you allow a woman to move in and live with you, she interferes with your routine and lifestyle in a major way for instance when you want to watch, say for instance a soccer match, she will want to watch the Oprah show. When you want to watch politics and news, she will want to watch a Mexican soap opera. One’s lifestyle clashes with hers in many ways from introducing you to some unmanageable standards of cleanliness, order, decency that most bachelors find unnecessary and difficult to cope with.
Professor Paul Achola ,a sociologist and a guru on matters marriage says that most young people's commitment phobia is occasionedd by three major factors, poor or lack of proper socialization into matters marriage, the perception that one has to be financially stable to get married and lastly peer pressure. According to Johnson, M.(2009),fear of responsibility that comes with being a father /husband is a big factor in perpetuating this so called commitment phobia. He points an accusing finger at educational and religious institutions where most of these young people spend a lot of time, shy away from that responsibility and leave it to parents who again taboos and other cultural factors stop them from discussing sensitive topics like sexuality particularly in the context of marriage, `…most young men are not systematically socialized into traditional parenting roles. An aspect of socialization that was by and large handled by grandparents who unfortunately are never readily available because of urbanization, the modern-day parents are too busy and preoccupied by provision of basic needs particularly in this hard economic times or just too westernized to engage in such..''
According to Zastrow, C and Kirst-Ashman, K.(2010),most young people tend to hold on the believe that one has to be financially stable to engage in marriage, The good professor believes that a good marriage is where two partners start together from scratch and in fact there is more respect for one another since they have grown together in the marriage and have seen each other sacrifice and work hard .He further warns that a marriage where wealth is the bonding factor is likely to run in turbulence and he instead recommends that wealth and love need to be built together for this necessitates a long lasting marriage. Growing together in the marriage helps spouses to learn more about each other for instance expenditure patterns etc. (Gilder,G. 1992).The longer these young men live with their parents the harder it becomes for them to be independent and it also makes them lack accountability.
Last but not least ,peer pressure also contributes a lot to this ,most bachelors tend to discourage each other from commitment or marriage and encourage the `touch and go' kind of relationships by trying to outdo each other, a phenomena that Friedman, M.(2008)terms detrimental to anyone with intentions of getting married soon. `The experimental syndrome which subjects young men to multiple experiences with different women ruins their ability to stick to a particular woman and consequently committing himself to’ he adds.