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Looking out looking in is a well formulated book that mainly focuses on matters concerning communication. This paper is written basing on the contents of Looking out looking in. The book written by three authors incorporates both the Theory and the real life situations in bringing up the various aspects of communication. The fact that the book has three authors is thumbs up for the variety of contributions and different views and opinions from them. This paper is meant to provide a brief yet well analyzed insight into what the authors have for their audience and be able to connect this with the real life situations. This is done through analysis of both the structure and the content of the book. In analysis of this book this paper will be looking at following questions; Does communication define our identity? Why do we form relationships? Do many people listen more than meets the ear? And Does what u see reflect what you get?
Communication and Identity
Our identity is defined by our belief which definitely affects our ways of handling different matters and our response to various issues. Our perspective of a given issue comes from the way we generally believe the issue should be handled. This belief is usually affected by our physical and social environment (Adler & Proctor, 2010).
The book has thoroughly dealt with the issue that is identity and communication. Whatever we talk about defines our taste of things, our expectations and our aspirations in life. From a psychological perspective, we talk of what we have gone through, seen others going through and what we think we can achieve. Whatever we think we can achieve is born out of what we are at th4e moment and what we hope to be .In their arguments, the authors have brought this argument comprehensively.
Since communication involves feedback, our feedback also defines our self. The way we respond to various issues is dictated by who we are. Our prejudices and bias will definitely affect our feedback. Humans tend to identify with successes and try to shy off failures. For example when one does not believe in superstitions, whenever one comes up with superstitious topics such a person will not believe in the truth of what is being said. In response (feedback) they will say that whatever is being talked about is just but lies (Adler & Proctor, 2010).
Communication and relational dynamics
The issue of communication and Relational dynamics has also been well brought out in the book. The relationships that we form are a key aspect in analyzing our self. We form relationships with other people by basing on; proximity, complementarity, Appearance, similarity, reciprocal attraction, competence and rewards. It is only through communication that one can be able to analyze these aspects and decide on which people to associate with and which to avoid. Sometimes it comes naturally while at times it is literally.
The friends we have send a certain message whenever we are seen with them in the streets. Whenever we are seen with thieves the outside world if they know that the person we are associating with are thieves will most likely conclude that we are thieves. We only tend to associate with those people that will encourage us to move towards development and shy off from those that discourage us. The sharing of common goals and way of doing thins cements relationship. This is because we could in that line be sharing common challenges hence we will help each other in crossing the bridge.
Proximity is an aspect that greatly affects our relations. It is easier to boost up the relations with people that are geographically close that those that are far away. We can for example only be able to cement a marriage if we meet more frequently (Adler & Proctor, 2010).
Listening beyond the ear is a key aspect in communication. This is due to the fact that whatever we conclude from a person’s conversation is based on how well we listened to the conversation. While our response to a conversation depicts our views towards a certain topic being discussed, this may be mistaken if we had not listened carefully.
When listening, one should keep in mind that there are two types of meanings that could be implied. This could be the connotative or the denotative meaning. In connotative meaning the speaker will be putting up a statement or statements with the literal intention. The denotative meaning, the speaker will be in mind trying to pass out his or her message indirectly. Mostly when a speaker tries to denotatively bring out his message they would use styles such as symbols.
For one to have a good listening skill they have to put in mind these two types of meanings and be able to establish the type of meaning implied. As such good listeners are slow to response as they take some time to analyze what is being implied in the statement before getting to a given conclusion.
Emotions, feelings and communication
The way we communicate is defined by our ability to handle our emotions and feelings. We tend to communicate differently depending on our emotions and feelings. This is a very key aspect to consider in communication. For example, when one is bereaved (has lost a close relative whom they loved so much), their communication changes from the ordinary. When the boss to such a person calls to ask why they haven’t turned up for their work they are likely to respond in an unofficial manner. It may require the application of psychology for the boss to actually understand what could be happening (Adler & Proctor, 2010).
Our actions are also a form of non-verbal communications. Whatever things we do when we are happy we do them differently when we are aggrieved and in a sad mood. Ones actions will be a pointer to the mood they are in. As such non-verbal communication is important in daily lives. Cases of people being hurt due to the failure to read the non-verbal signs are so common in the world that we live in today. As such it is important that before one rushes into conversation they should be able to read the non –verbal signs hence be able to predict the feedback.
Perception-What you see is what you get
Perception is the process of getting aware and understanding of sensory information. It is the way we tend to see and make conclusion about what we have seen, heard or experienced. Perception is usually built from ones long life process. Whatever environment one grew in will affect the way they perceive various aspects.
Communication is in a great way influenced by our perception. It is through perception that one can be able to conclude that doing is something is good while the other concludes that doing it isn’t good. Perception will to a great extent affect our communication even when it comes to the topics being discussed.
In looking at perception we tend to cling on first impression, judge ourselves charitably, we assume that others are similar to us and more so we believe in the obvious. Knowing the above common trends and keeping the in consideration in communication is important to proper judgment. Foe example whenever we do certain things we should put in mind what the other person will be thinking of the act and its implication. Since the other person will take our action from an “obvious” point of view they might not be able to look deeper at the pushing factors for the action.
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