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Custom Diversity in Airplane Travel essay paper sample
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The paper is from a writer who is advocating on behalf of the overweight air travelers whom he/she states that they are being unfairly overcharged due to their status. The writer explains that people should have sympathy on them so that they can have fair treatment. The writer has various points on the issues that I have discussed on this essay.
My thoughts on the paper
The chief claim of the Paper is that people should have sympathy for the fat people while sitting next to them in the airplane. This is because if we are willing to sit with them without any complains; they will not be charged excess money for their flights. The thesis statement is able to demonstrate this since the writer blames it on other people’s greed and lack of sympathy. However, the chosen topic for this subject, Diversity in Airplane travel, is not very appropriate for the paper since diversity is a very broad term which may include the race, the tribe, nationality and language spoken. Therefore, the appropriate topic for this paper should have been specific on the weight of the airplane travelers. The writer might face various challenges while persuading his or her audience. This may be because from the nature of his topic, one is expecting to hear more aspects about the airplane travelers but the write has only mentioned weight. Secondly, it is not a problem with the other travelers that the overweight travelers may be charged more, it is a problem with the airplane management. The person sited next to an overweight person may be willing to sit together but if the rules of airplane travelling dictate an extra payment, the seat mate cannot help. Another challenge that the writer might face is that he or she lacks adequate reasons as to why there should be sympathy towards the big people. The writer blames the whole issues on the airplane travelers but it should be on the policy makers.
Generally, the flow of the paper is not very coherent. The write is not well explaining the source of the oppression on the overweight people. He or she states that people should have more sympathy and less greedy. The writer is not well explaining the source of the problem. He further supports his arguments by quoting studies published for example, “in 1978, a year the United States experienced an oil shock, a study in the American Journal of Public Health showed that if all overweight people in the country aged 18 to 79 reached their optimal weight, the resulting energy savings would equal 1.3 billion gallons of gasoline”. Basically, the writer is not coming out clearly on whom to blame on the issues. The writer also states that “a lot of customers are mad about the extra costs they have to pay if they are larger..…that isn’t fair, but it also isn’t fair to make someone else to pay to sit somewhere else”. In this statement, the writer does not explain clearly on who causes these people to pay more. He or she also does not explain clearly the role that the other travelers have to play in ensuring that the overweight people do not pay much. The writer also asks “how can an airline do the right thing?” Here the main idea of the writer is not so easily understood. The writer’s grammar is also not so good since some of the sentences are not coming out clearly.
For the writer to improve on the mechanics of the paper, he or she needs to put across one point at a time. There are some points where the grammar is not so clear and it is difficult to understand his point. It would therefore be good if the write uses short sentences that are specific on one point so that his idea can be easily understood. The writer also needs to do a lot of study in grammar to avoid spelling mistakes. For example, at one point he uses the word “plain” while referring to a plane. Grammar can also be improved by proofreading the paper before it is submitted to other readers. The writer should therefore go through the paper identifying any mistakes on it (Dreamer, 2010).
According to what the write says, it is important to consider the issues of the overweight airplane travelers to ensure that they are treated the same way as other travelers since it is not their wish to be overweight.